Let's Pretend this never happen (A mostly true memoir)

HA. Awesome. Oh my. Not for the faint of heart.

These are just the top things that come to mind when I think about Jenny Lawson’s first book.  Obviously immediately followed by is that a mouse dressed in Shakespearian garb on the cover (yes, yes it).

This author is a big old mess of my kind of crazy.  She curses like a sailor, writes she’s talking to an old friend and multiple times I laughed out loud (and rather loudly to be honest).  She takes you through her childhood life in a small backward-ass town Texas that’s  filled with wild animals acting inappropriately indoors and  the taxidermy shop her father ran that was attached to her house.  Since most of this seems too ridiculous to even been (mostly) true there are pictures and ladies and gentlemen they are indeed worth a thousand words.

There’s a bit of sad mixed in as she speaks candidly about her anxiety and she social awkwardness but it’s nestled in there between the porn addicted neighbor , the huge metal chicken and a love for dead animals stuffed in little outfits so it still qualifies as a good summer read.  Also the chapters are nice and short and it doesn’t take a genius to follow along so it is the perfect book it pick up and put down while enjoying the beach or wherever your summer activities take you.  Looking forward to Book Number 2 so get on it.

I couldn’t resist including this excerpt from a Jen Lancaster interview with the author 1. Because it’s hysterical and 2. Jenn Lancaster kicks ass but since I can read faster than she can write I appreciate her filling her fans in on other hysterical authors to read.

Lancaster: You appear to have a soft spot for dead, stuffed creatures, particularly if they’re clad in bowler hats or acting out a scene--please explain.

Lawson: My father is a professional taxidermist, so it’s not like I had a fighting chance. And besides, I think the real question here is, who wouldn’t be interested in ferrets in cancan dresses? Old anthropomorphic taxidermy is fascinating and I’ve collected an entire menagerie of creatures that make up my personal posse. Cuban pirate alligators, Shakespearean mice, heavily armed squirrels, vampire-slaying ducklings. I’m not sure how you say no to those. My husband can, but I’m fairly sure there’s something not right about him. Anyone who can turn his nose up at the Last Supper constructed of Victorian kittens has a problem. I suspect it’s because he’s a Republican.

Lancaster: Snooki or Kim Kardashian?

Lawson: Alphabetically, or in order of who is most likely to fuck up the youth of America? Because those are two different answers. Or possibly they aren’t, now that I think about it.

Interview lifted from http://www.amazon.com/Lets-Pretend-This-Never-Happened/dp/0399159010/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1340319473&sr=8-1&keywords=jenny+larson

Tina Fey Bossypants

Well let's just lay it out there... I am not the world's biggest Tina Fey fan.  I never started watching 30 Rock even after it got super popular...and quite frankly I regret it.  But that's not the point.  The point is Tina Fey is both really funny, brutally honest and one tough chick.  I listened to this as an audio book and I felt it added a little something since Tina read it herself.  I should warn you the book is filled with funny flashback pictures that most famous people would be hiding from the press instead of self mocking and publishing for the world to see (apparently people took denim really seriously in the 80s) so you do loose out on that if you go audio - they do come as a pdf for your viewing pleasure.  Tina doesn't hold anything back in this book - you are with her while she grows up, when she first struggles to get into comedy, her writing on SNL, her glorious Sarah Palin days and finally 30 Rock.  I will be forever grateful to Tina for her hilariously honest descriptions of what fashion shoots are like, the reality that everyone looks like crap - even when you are taped into your outfit with professional hair and makeup you still get airbrushed to high hell so fear not regular people apparently famous people don't look like magazine covers in real life either.  Thanks Tina for a bit of girl power and a genuinely funny read.

I have neglected you blog...forgive me?

So it's been a while...I didn't stop reading life just got to crazy and I stopped blogging.  That being said I am back on the ball and have read some great books and some not so great books.  Let's just cover what I have no intention of writing reviews about:

1. 1. The Hunger Games series - if you haven't read these books you are clearly (a) living under a rock or (b) under the misconception that you are too good/cool/advanced to read a YA book.  I feel you group B as I was previously  along time member.  I skipped the Twilight series and all other books that have made teenage girls squeal since I was in fact a teenage girl myself.  However all three books in the Hunger Games series are badass and the only reason you even remember they are YA books is because there is no nudity/sexytime. Awesome books, super quick and quite frankly the movie was pretty damn good as well.

2. The Games of Thrones series - oh again I have to say that I am not in general a fantasy fan (if you are rolling your eyes b/c Hunger Games is arguably fantasy I say touche and shut it).  I can't review these books because they are epic both in awesomeness and in scope.  Also how on earth would I do that without it being a giant spoiler alert.  Also so far only partially through book 4 and honestly can't really remember what happened in each book to write about them intelligently.  So just read them - go out of your comfort zone, stretch that brain muscle and enjoy the bloody , occasionally rape-y, badass series that George R. R. Martin has made for us. Side note the HBO series is pretty awesome so if the size of the books intimidates you enjoy it in one hour bits with some really pretty actors (it's not as soon though so consider yourself warned that you are missing out).

Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

This book is a change of pace from what I have reviewed lately and it is totally good stuff.  The setting is a post energy crisis apocalyptic United States.  That’s right we have run out of fuel and are short on all other sources of power in general.  So needless to say the world in general is pretty grim with the exception of The OASIS.  The OASIS is a virtual reality world and it is here where we meet Wade Watts.  In real life Wade is an awkward, poor, fat kid without a friend in the world.  In The OASIS however….well quite frankly things aren’t too different for Wade there but there is hope.  Inside The OASIS there is an all out treasure hunt under way.  The creator of The OASIS, a freaky reclusive 80s pop culture obsessed nut has hidden the key to winning millions and ownership the OASIS.  But he might have done too good a job hiding it because it’s been five years and no one has even come close to finding it.  These grim facts don’t stop Wade, who spends every waking moments studying 80s movies, arcade games, television shows and all things totally bodacious and rad  in hopes of discovering  how to win the money, save both worlds and of course get the girl.  This is no easy task as Wade will face well funded corporate bad guys, clues that are seemingly impossible to decipher and his first serious crush. Still you are rooting for  Wade as he battles evil in the real world and in virtual reality to see if he has what it takes to make both worlds a better place….you know one that is filled with giant robots, flying DeLoreans and a Rush soundtrack playing at full blast.

This book rocked…hard.  I t made me laugh, sigh, cringe and remember how deep my love of  the Breakfast Club, A-Ha music videos, Ferris Bueller and all things truly 80s (now if we could only convince kids today to leave the fashion in the 80s where it should stay forever…seriously no more leg warmers ladies it wasn’t a good look the first time around).

If It Was Easy, They'd Call the Whole Damn Thing a Honeymoon: Living with and Loving the TV-Addicted, Sex-Obsessed, Not-So-Handy Man You Married.

Laugh out loud funny.  Jenna McCarthy writes this memoir in such an easy breezy way that you would swear you were sitting around with your girlfriends listening to them bitch and moan about their husbands.  You are guaranteed to smile at the description of how utterly useless and needy her husband becomes at the first sign of a cold or the classic in the car fight where you yell for him to pull over...and then he actually does. As an added bonus there are these sections called "At least I'm not married to him".  See Jenna is apparently a pretty avid blogger and had asked her followers to share with her the most annoying thing their husbands (whom they love dearly) does that drives them insane.  These tiny stories within the stories are always funny, often relatable and more often then not will make you appreciate that your hubby/significant does not do and what women are willing to endure in the  name of love.  Jenna does not come off as angel in this book by any means, she points out a lot of the crazy annoying things she does and really owns that she talks to much even though this clearly the thing she does that drives her hubby bananas.  It's a light read, it's a funny read and it's a book you'll definitely end up recommending to your friend or sister...if for no other reason to chat about over a big glass of wine (or vodka).

 

Funny side note: I read a review for this book that explained how the reader shouldn't be turned off by the author and how she's not the brainless bimbo blonde we all remember from MTV's "Singled Out".  I skimmed the rest of the review which did the book justice by highlighting it's funny take and convinced me I should in fact make the effort to read it.  At about the second chapter I noticed that this in fact sounded nothing like the life of a Playboy model/T.V host mainly because it's not.  As in actually not the same person - the author - Jenna - the playmate Jenny.  So egg on my face but still read on and laugh often. 

BAD BOOK ALERT: The Lie...no lie its really terrible

The Lie by Chad Kultgen

So apparently we are calling this type of novel "Fratire"....well that alone should have set off a big red flag.  I read this because it was recommended to me by a fairly reliable source and the reviews were intriguing.   Well apparently the reviews I read were given by people who (a) either didn't read this book or (b) hate their mothers.  This "novel"  (I feel like I'm betraying other novels I like by even referring to this as a novel) is told from the point of view of the three main characters: Brett, Kyle and Heather.  Brett wins the award for asshole of the year his lust for women is only matched by his disdain towards the entire female gender (think of reading about the a dude who's only real pleasure in life comes from sexually humiliating women and refers to everyone by c-word...yuck).  Kyle is sad and pathetic and although you think you might feel bad for him in the end he's just as big of a self centered loser as every other character. Heather...oh Heather its painful to read about you and for an author who is suppose to write so honestly about men - he can't write a female character to save his life.  Much like Glamora this novel makes you hate every character, leaves you unsympathetic to their stories and makes you realize if you ever met them in real life you would be hard pressed not punch them in the mouth.  What is the plot summary you may be asking.  Boy meets girl - girl dates boy in hopes of sleeping with his best friend - shockingly this doesn't end happily - three people then do their best to ruin each other lives for another 200 pages or so of absolute craptacular nonsense.   Bottom line do not read this book I promise you will enjoy scrubbing your bathroom tile grout more than reading this "novel".

A Bad Day for Sorry by Sophie Littleford

It’s a crime novel and a mystery and totally good stuff.  In this novel we meet Stella Hardesty, a widow, who out lived her abusive jackass of a husband.  Stella has gotten all kinds of sassy in her old age and has taken to helping out women who find themselves stuck in bad situations.  Chrissy Shaw is just that kind of woman.  Her ex is a mobster wanna be who’s hell bent on kidnapping his son and making Chrissy miserable.  Join these two unlikely crime fighters as they battle the mob and do a little ass kicking of their own.